What Color is God's Skin?

I remember a song from my childhood with this same title. "What color is God's skin? Is it black, brown or yellow, is it red? is it white? Every child's the same in the good Lord's sight."
My brother and sister and I knew every word of the song. It was one of our favorites. I do not remember growing up in a home that had real racial prejudices. Not really.

I have 1.5 grand sons who are not 100% white. I really don't see that. Or THINK that. I don't look at them and see that. I don't look at people and see color. I don't feel people with certain skin colors are socially allowed to do certain things or be certain things. I know our daughters don't either.

But the other day I made a horrible slur that I can't get out of my head. I can't figure out where it came from either. Right in front of a dear friend who is of hispanic decent, I referred to our neighbor as "that mexican". I think he pretended he didn't hear, but he must have. He looked away from me quickly, almost like he was well practiced in ignoring these kinds of things.

I instantly felt terrible, because inside, I don't feel that way towards hispanic people. I was raised in a community where I was the minority and I love the culture- infact I really consider it MY culture. I was so ashamed of what I had said that I got up and moved from where I was sitting. I know I hurt his feelings.

So, I've been confused for a few days, mulling this topic around in my head, trying to think of how to apologize for this bizzare slip up. I can't help but wonder if maybe in the world we live in it's somehow become trendy to say little racial things out loud - even if we don't mean it. I'm ashamed to say that maybe that's just what happened.

My friend is bright and intelligent and extremely talented in his field of technology. I've never known him to be anything but true to his heritage, completely helpful and supportive of his extended family. He has a wonderful family who is beautiful and loving and accepting of everyone.

This is my public apology. This is my way of saying I'm going to be more careful how I let careless words cross my lips. I want people to know I feel really strongly about this.